I breastfed my baby and I never liked it! Not everyone likes nursing. I hated everything about breastfeeding, but does that make me a bad mom? As a matter of fact when I was pregnant I thought it sounded very animal-like. It was tough for me to get over the fact that I was going to have a human being latched on to my private parts that I do my best to keep covered. I am very modest, I don’t even like to wear V-neck shirts in case you might see a little cleavage. As a matter of fact, I hate that word “clea-vage”, it sounds nasty. I imagined having a young baby and although nursing would be very private for me, I would have to let others know that my baby is hungry. The thought that a mental image of me nursing my child might cross other people’s mind would gross me out. I know I can’t be the only one to feel this way. I have told friends before that I hated breastfeeding, but did it anyway. I found many of them to feel the same way.
So my nursing experience with my first child wasn’t as pleasant as one might have thought. She was born a couple of weeks early, she had a 105 degree temperature, and was taken from my arms after a quick photo and sent to NICU. She was given formula.
TOP 5 Reasons Why I Hated BREASTFEEDING
1. It took two people to nurse my baby. I promised myself that I would at least TRY to nurse my baby. TRYING it was important to me because I was always told that it was the best thing to feed my child. So I did try it and it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t relaxing, and it didn’t feel like I was bonding with my child. She wouldn’t nurse. Since I wanted to at least have it work I had to try SNS. For those who don’t know what that means, I had to put a tube with formula on the side of her mouth, get her to latch on, and then trick her to think that the formula was coming from me. It took two people to try to nurse this child. How embarrassing this was for me. I wasn’t even filling my daughters’ needs, my hormones where high, and guests would fill my house to visit the “new baby” while every hour I had to take about 30 minutes to try to teach my baby how to nurse.
2. Feeding my baby a bottle. It did get easier. BUT still I never did like it. I soon taught my child to take a bottle of pumped milk since I knew that I would be back to work when she was 8 weeks old. When I held her close to me and watched her drink from the bottle I felt that was more of a bonding moment then the stress of getting her to nurse.
3. I was really a cow. The pump–I never did like nursing and I really didn’t like pumping milk out of my body. It hurt (not sure I was doing it right), it was stressful, and talk about feeling like an animal…this wasn’t natural. I had already gained 20 lbs. this pregnancy and felt like a cow, let alone having to hook up machinery to myself to get out free milk to feed my child.
4. Being modest. I felt like I was on house arrest. I have NO problem with women nursing in public, but I did have issues with myself nursing in public. I wouldn’t do it. I often found myself hiding in the backseat of the car with blankets over me, when I was stuck in a jam to feed my child and I wasn’t able to just stay home. I would break into my very little supply of milk to take a bottle with me (I was never able to over produce for these times). I am totally guilty of nursing my baby in the handicapped bathroom by pushing the stroller in it…and sitting in her stroller myself! Being modest stinks! I don’t want others to know what is going on under that blanket.
5. It HURTS. Breastfeeding freakin’ hurts! I know what you are saying right now, “hey momma, try this….try that…” It still hurts! Before you know it you are pumping PINK milk and the PINK isn’t strawberry! It also hurts mentally! Every time my baby spit up, I would question my own diet and whether I was fit to be a good mommy!
So why did I choose to share this story with you? Not everyone LIKES breastfeeding. Some women do it anyways like I chose to do. For me, whether I fed my baby a bottle or I let her eat off of me it was all nurturing. I felt more comfortable feeding her a bottle since I was less stressed. I chose to nurse my second child. I found that nursing both of my children was more sensitive to their bellies than formula, it smelled less, and diaper changes were easier. I didn’t earn the silver booby award and it didn’t make me more or less of a mother. It just was what it was.